Funny Jokes

Do You Need Something
to Tickle Your Funny Bones?

I'm gaining weight doctor...

Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor.

Doctor: You should diet.

Trish: Really? What color?

Chuck Norris Jokes:

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.

Spotted in a toilet of a New York office building:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

Notice in a health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Funny diet & fitness Jokes

I don't exercise at all.
If God had wanted me to touch my toes
He would have put them up higher on my body.

One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

Funny Quotes and Famous Quotes

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
-Dale Carnegie

"There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side."
- Oscar Levant

Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it.
-William Feather

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.
- Jay Leno

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.
–Unknown

I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
–Unknown

Word to the wise... you may tell funny jokes before and after lifting weights but never DURING! :)


Matt Taylor
The Fat-Loss Success Expert